Tomes have been written about toxic inlaws and how to “cope” with them. Therapists have built empires on memories of our childhoods, and that doesn’t change the fact that you are still expected to join in the holiday festivities and be polite.

Ditch the inlaws and enjoy Thanksgiving. I really mean that. I don’t mean stay home and ignore your inlaws, I mean change the way you see and interact with them and you will instead find comedy, peace and enjoyment.

So check it out, there are four types of people in our lives, and if you mis-categorize a relationship it can be emotionally, financially and socially devestating. Here is something to pass along to your email list of friends and anybody you know who suffers from mis-categorized inlaws:

Four types of people:

1: Strangers, 2: Friends, 3: Relatives, 4: Family

From categories 1, 2 & 3 we create category 4.

Read that again. From categories 1, 2 & 3 we create category 4.

Here is how it all breaks down:

Category 1: Strangers

These are people we meet on the street, pass in parking lots, or sit next to in the movie theatre. Some strangers will come into our lives and quickly leave while some will linger and eventually become our friends. Once they are our friends, they are no longer strangers right?

Category 2: Friends

Friends are the cool people. They are colleagues, neighbors, kids from our youth, and they can be relatives. Some friendships in our lives last years and then mysteriously end, and some friends become so dear to us, that they are not just friends anymore, they have become family.

Category 3: Relatives

Relatives are simply that, relatives. They are people related to us by blood, or through marriage or adoption. Relatives are people we send obligatory gifts and cards to on birthdays and holidays. They are people we eat Thanksgiving dinner with, and to whom we are polite. I can save you a lot of pain if you understand this one concept – Relatives are not family.

Category 4: Family

A family consists of strangers, friends and relatives we bring into our lives by choice because we want to hang out with them. We trust these people, and we feel safe when we are with them. We love them unconditionally, and we would do most anything for them.

In a perfect world we would spend the holidays with our “Family” but tradition has it instead that we spend holidays with our “relatives”. So if you have dredged up sour feelings about turkey day…ditch the inlaws and enjoy Thanksgiving. Simply let go of the idea that they are family, they are in fact relatives. You don’t have to say anything out loud to anybody, just show up, have a good time and be related.

And while it is both sweet, and appropriate to be grateful, we don’t need a holiday to remind us of our many blessings. It’s just a good habit, like hygiene. We should include “Thanks-giving” in our random thoughts as we go throughout the day. Every day – not just the third Thursday in November.

Here is what happens, our conscious mind is cluttered with things on our “to do” list. We rush about on tight schedules trying to make our flights, jobs, and appointments. We check our handhelds and respond to a myriad of email and social media, without creating original thoughts of our own. Instead of acting, we react – and often it is with negative scattered energy.

Without paying attention to the magnificent wonders in our lives, we instead receive crap, problems, challenges, bills, leaky roofs, flat tires, sick cats, troubling relatives or whatever it is that crosses our conscious minds. And what we focus on, we internalize and send back out into the universe…even without trying. Ouch!

Whether or not you admit it, like it, or even believe it, you radiate what you experience. So here is the challenge – you want to be healthy? Do you want to be well? Do you want to have energy and find enthusiasm in life?

It’s very easy, begin by finding the good in what you see – and express your gratitude. Start by giving thanks (Thanks Giving) to yourself – pay attention to the energy you feel. Let that happiness melt you inside. Let it seep out of your personal aura, let it shower those around you. Plants and animals are very receptive to positive energy – hey wait a minute, so are humans young and old.

You don’t even have to use out loud words if you don’t want to – or if it would ruin your image…just think the thoughts “hey isn’t it cool that…or “I am so incredibly fortunate to have…”,”This is my lucky day because…”, “Hey wow, I am so happy that…”

Thanksgiving – it is an attitude, not just a holiday or a meal. – Angela Oberer